Hmmm...

Most of the advice aimed at 'ambitious' men says roughly the same thing.

Keep pushing for the result you want.

Never stop pursuing you dreams.

Rest when you’re dead, Mofo.

And most of the time, I agree with it to some extent.

I mean... I love it when a guy has an attitude where he makes things happen, he is prepared to work hard, to put in the hours to create the opportunities he needs.

There's loads of those guys in the membership, either Spark, Network, or Nexus.

So I'm all for getting shit done and working your arse off to do it.

In fact I can't think of any men I know who are successful and haven't needed to work their arse off for some time at least.

But there’s a moment where that advice does more harm than good.

That's why, when I get asked about advice for men in different situations, it usually starts with...

...'IT DEPENDS'.

I see it all the time with the men I work with.

It’s when life throws you a lot of shit at once.

Or for want of a more technical term... throws you a lot of challenges, upheaval, and stress.

For example but not limited to:

- The business loses its biggest client and that cuts the forecast revenue in half for the next 6 months so it's time to let some people go.

- The marriage is in trouble and it's all turned toxic and full of drama and ends in divorce which is painful and very fucking expensive.

- You’re made redundant out of the blue with small or no pay off and suddenly the bills that are looming seem huge...

... and you question all that $$$ you spent on stuff that was expensive like holidays and cars.

- A parent is ill and the whole family are affected because it's so emotionally draining to see people you love growing older and frail.

- You’re moving house with three kids and a deadline and the solicitors are dragging their heels and everything gets a bit fraught.

Anyway, you get the gist.

In those weeks, the man who tries to keep every plate spinning usually drops the lot and something breaks.

Training, diet, the side project, the reading, the 5am starts, or overall productivity.

And worst of all... your health.

(Hence why I have been encouraging men to get their Omega 6:3 ratios checked cos its VITAL to get that balanced).

So when a member comes to me in that state, (stressed AF) I give him advice that surprises him.

Breathe, and then Drift.

Do the simple things.

Go to work and do what you need to do.

Come home and see the family.

Eat a decent meal and lay off the booze.

Watch the football, golf, rugby, if that's what you enjoy.

Get outside or to the gym when possible for some decent exercise.

Sleep.

Do what you can, and let the rest wait.

DRIFT whilst you rebalance your life and your mind.

It's OK.

But this is the important bit...

Put a date on it.

Two weeks or a month.

(Ideally no more than a month, in my opinion)

Whatever the situation honestly needs, especially if it's been a period of huge stress (even more so if there has been a bereavement).

But amongst the decision to drift...That date is everything.

Think if it this way:

Drifting with an end date is recovery period.

You’re choosing to conserve energy and settle your mind so you can come back stronger.

Drifting without one is how a bad month quietly becomes a lost year and thats where things to turn to shit and progress goes backwards.

I’ve watched it happen to decent men.

Sadly some who left the membership have ended up drifting for many months because they forgot about firing things back up to get cracking again (and had no accountability or anyone to check in on them).

Look, they never decided to give up on their big plans.... They simply never decided to come back to them.

It applies whether you run a company or work in one.

The business owner going through a rough patch in sales still has to show up for his team.

But, he can drop the extras for a while.

The man in a career going through a divorce still has to do his job.

He can give himself a month where “good enough” is the standard everywhere else.

But if you ever find yourself in this situation...

Here’s how I’d do it:

Name it.

Say it out loud, to yourself or your partner.

“The next 'chosen time period' are about getting through this.”

“The next four weeks are about getting through this.”

Set the date.

Write it down or put it in the calendar.

Keep one thing.

Pick a single habit that holds you together or helps you stay grounded.

A walk each morning, two gym sessions a week, or bed by 10.30pm.

Keep that one and let the rest go.

And here's whats crucial when the time is up!

Come back with a small win.

When the date arrives, don’t try to restart everything at once.

One small win on day one and then build on it.

Remember: Strength includes knowing when to ease off.

Which isn't always easy when you are driven to achieve or create and have people depending on you.

So think of it this way...

The men I admire most aren’t the ones who never slow down.

They’re the ones who always come back.

So if you’re in the middle of something hard right now, give yourself permission.

And then give yourself a date.

If this talks to you...have a listen to this podcast I was interviewed on:

I talked about this, and plenty more, when I joined Teddy Draper on Sport and Life recently.

It’s a relaxed chat and well worth half an hour on a walk or in the car.

You’ll also hear:

• How one Network member went from the police force to a £10,000 month selling pizza, and the Monday and Friday habit that made it happen
• Why the hardest part of leaving a well-paid job is the conversation at the kitchen table
• What I learned from nearly 20 years in the City, and why it took me two years and my own coach to leave
• Why some men need an arm round the shoulder and others need a kick up the arse, and how the best football managers knew the difference

You can watch it or listen here

​https://sportandlife.co.uk/life-article/mens-coach-on-career-change/​

Oh and we had another guy join our membership this week - I'll talk about him in an upcoming Journal but for now, get cracking on your day.

Cheers

Anthony

Whole Man Academy